I brushed up on my French and started to learn Italian and Spanish (again). The Italian has been going quite well; the Spanish less so. But given that I lived in Spain for 10 years and got no further than “taco” and “Don’t kill the f*****g bull!”, that’s hardly surprising.
When a movie has the title I’m Thinking of Ending Things, and the opening voiceover begins with a character saying precisely that, you’re kind of interested. I made it to a little over half time when, quite frankly, I was thinking of ending things.
At the end of a very difficult year, this wasn’t quite how I imagined wishing everyone a happy 2021, but in these unpredictable times we really can’t gauge anything, least of all happiness. So, I’m going to change it slightly and wish you all a Loving New Year.
The world has changed. My groping days – at least, in public places – are over; I am too old for such displays of affection, and also, today, I would probably be behind bars.
There is only ever one available, single person in the whole vicinity: a woman or man whose life is unfulfilled: generally, a widow or widower with a cute kid and, just for fun, a terminally ill relative. The kid still believes in Santa, hoping that he will bring the ultimate Christmas present – a new mom or dad.
Much as I admire Mayweather’s skill, I have more fun picking my nose than watching his clinical delivery.
I thought I had shaken off Adrian the astrologer, but possibly sensing that the guardian angel was winging away, he has returned with a vengeance. Fearful of my destiny unless I sign up to his cosmic plan, he is now offering a discounted rate.
West vs East. It’s one of the great debates in American culture; the only thing the opposite coasts appear to agree on is that nobody likes much in the middle.
You can call it what you like, but stalking by flying is still stalking, whichever way you look at it. Stick to what you’re good at and tell a few unsuspecting virgins they are pregnant.
Forget the real housewives of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills; Giggy was always the star.