I’ve always been fascinated by history, especially the Romans who I have always admired for their building abilities, which they managed to fit in between eating grapes, shagging each other senseless, and killing each other in amphitheatres.
Author: Jaci Stephen
Breasts were also a big problem. I had, and continue to have, problems understanding why girl dancers as young as four need breasts, but that was, and is, very much the norm. To this end, two mini aircraft hangars were fitted into each of our dresses, and we joined this army of breastless breasts marching, in unison, like some glorious, sequined, Himalayan range.
IKEA is like giving birth (I imagine): it’s hell while you’re going through it, but the end product is well worth the wait.
I realised it’s always been there in the lyrics, but revisiting the show in 2024, it took on a new resonance. As ‘Swiftians’ hit the headlines on a daily basis, worshiping their idol, Taylor Swift, I was struck by the ‘Christians’ comparison. A cult following.
And then, just as you think she couldn’t top two decades of mediocrity with something even worse, along comes Marry Me (2022), which makes Maid in Manhattan look like Gone with the Wind.
Packing for my nomadic lifestyle went badly. I have two cases, stuffed to the gills, and I’ve optimistically brought my make-up and best Issey Miyake outfits, even though nothing I have read about nomadism mentions designer fashion.
Not being able to understand a single word of a language is unnerving, but it’s possible to quickly get over that by remembering that most of what comes out of people’s mouths in the language I do speak is utter bollocks anyway.
What I’ve always thought about when I’ve slept with a famous man is what he might be able to do to help my career. I’ve never cared if what’s dangling before my eyes is a worm, caterpillar, slug, or boa constrictor – can he get me on the telly or sell my script?
If I’d been a Roman, I’d have said: Stuff it. I’ll be dead soon. Bring me another bunch of grapes and a wench to shag. Failing that, a bloke in a toga. I’m really not fussy.
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Today, I leave the hotel where the shower shares its space with the toilet (I swear that standing in the toilet bowl and flushing would be easier than navigating the shower) and head to an Air BnB for a week. Oh, what fresh hell awaits me there.