Bravo’s Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ had two contenders – Dorit Kemsley and Lisa Rinna, whose lips wouldn’t look out of place in a furniture shop. Kemsley wins it by a muscle, each season returning with a mouth that now looks in serious danger of devouring her head whole.
Unless I receive an invitation to Oprah’s balloon free party, it’s going to be another silent night, watching Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper on the TV, getting increasingly jolly as they down shots.
It’s the greatest normalization of weird, and their relationship is at the heart of a show that celebrates love and friendship in utterly bizarre and often insane ways.
Thankfully, my world at 64 is very different from the one John Lennon and Paul McCartney portrayed in their song. And how different for `Lennon from the one he imagined. Murdered aged 40, he didn’t even get remotely close to 64.
‘You belong in Hollywood!’ my admirer enthused, having seen samples of my writing. ‘I love you already! You are the best!’ I was on that flight quicker than you could say Beam me up, Scottie.
A fan of excessively large bows and over-fussy outfits, Sutton’s attire is so jaw-droppingly bizarre on occasion, you could be forgiven for thinking she is drowning in a vat of marshmallows.
In terms of popularity, the warning signs that now accompany the start of every program are red rags to a bull. ‘Substances, language, violence, nudity, gore, sexual violence, smoking.’
The world of television has never seen anything like it. And it is unlikely the four billion viewers watching worldwide ever will again.
Christina Ricci looked as if her upper half had obtained its own visa and was already en route to pastures new; Sarah Paulson, in bizarrely angled Louis Vuitton black (they really should stick to baggage), appeared to have been invaded by a sinister Cubist.
Who wants to travel more? Who wants to travel more cheaply? Who wants to fly in business class for less than the price of an economy ticket? Yes, all of you.
So this guide is for you. Use it and you’ll never look back – or turn right when you board an aircraft –ever again.