I wasn’t the only person to have a panic attack with some of the headlines heralding the series Florida Man Murders that made its debut last night.
The lack of punctuation in the ‘Florida Man Murders’ star Judge Alex Ferrer… nearly gave one Twitter user a heart attack (thanks a bunch, Fox News – a colon after ‘Murders’ was all it would have taken); I nearly had one myself when I heard about Alex Ferrer on Oxygen.
So, let’s clear a few things up. 1. Alex Ferrer, star of Judge Alex (that REALLY should be brought back – best Judge show ever), is alive. 2. He is not semi-alive and living on oxygen. 3. He appeared last night, on the Oxygen TV station in a show titled Florida Man Murders (it is what it says on the tin), talking about his time as the judge presiding over the Sun Gym trial, on which the film Pain and Gain was based.
Phew. Glad we got that sorted.
The very alive judge brings such kudos to every show on which he appears, and, although I have always said I am against the death penalty, it’s hard to disagree with the decision he took to pass this sentence on the monstrous torturers and killers in Nineties Miami (Google them; I can’t even bear to say their names).
His contribution to this show was no exception. There were undoubtedly comedic aspects to the story, but Alex drew attention to them without in any way detracting from the seriousness of the crime: the contempt with which he summarized the work of the “geniuses” said it all.
He will be my first call if I ever find myself in the unfortunate position of being locked up (unlikely to happen, by the way; I am too afraid of authority ever to break the law; you are safe to keep your phone on mute after midnight, Judge).
But back to Miami. A place awash with sex, drugs and money at the time, the city was a breeding ground for despicable greed and a level of evil I find hard to comprehend.
I have no idea if it still is; it’s always been right down there with my least favorite US cities, along with Las Vegas and San Francisco. Last night, it pipped both of them to the post: the bottom of it.
Fox News: take note of my use of the colon.
And keep taking the Oxygen, Your Honor.