Should you find yourself in the unlikely position of not having enough time to watch the movies everyone is talking about, here’s a summary of just a few.

I’M THINKING OF ENDING THINGS

Boring discussions about immortality, in the rain (a LOT), on a road trip. If you weren’t thinking of ending things at the beginning of the movie, you will by the end. 

NOMADLAND

If you haven’t topped yourself after watching I’m Thinking of Ending Things, those razor blades will now come in very handy. Beautiful cinematography, but a bad advert for campervans.

THE DIG

Just think gravedigger on a busman’s holiday.

TRIAL OF THE CHICAGO 7

One of the best of a pretty bad bunch, apart from the excruciating ending. Wigs clearly purchased from YetisRUs.com.

PROMISING YOUNG WOMAN

Sinisterly interesting, but badly cast.

BOYS IN THE BAND

Better than the stage play, and Jim Parsons in sublime, nasty mode. I think the “boys” might be gay. Just a suspicion. 

THE PROM

Dancing, singing, a fun movie for our troubled times. And the Oscar goes to Meryl Streep’s cheekbones.

SWALLOW

Don’t get your hopes up. It’s not that kind of swallow. A bird, neither. 

MADE IN ITALY

Liam Neeson and Tuscany. Who needs more?

BORAT SUBSEQUENT MOVIEFILM

Party political broadcast on the part of the Democrat Party – and Rudy Giuliani removing his microphone *sniggers*.

THE LIFE AHEAD

Movie of the year for me. Beautiful, with great performances, including the sublime Sophia Loren, whose son, Edoardo Ponti, directed it.