The Hills Are Not Alive

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills on is having real trouble making mountains out of molehills this season – yes, even more so than usual. I’ll be amazed if Crystal makes it to the next season, given that her only contribution so far is staring into the middle distance in several failed attempts to try to look sad/interesting/hurt/superior – it’s hard to tell, as every expression is the same. 

By contrast, Sutton continues to be unintentionally hilarious, so left of field you can’t help wondering if she’s inadvertently walked in from a different show.

Garcelle is a stirrer; Erika (who can’t pay her $2.2m tax bill, despite retaining a $40m pm “Glam” squad) has bizarrely turned into the kind of peacemaker that might win her a Nelson Mandela award; Lisa Rinna is gloriously sarcastic; Kyle looks permanently shocked by everyone and everything (but I don’t care; I adore her); newcomer Diana looks as if she’s been stun-gunned, so astonished is she by everything she sees and hears; and as for Dorit “Please let’s make this all about me”, what has she done to her lips? With the exception of Sutton, all the women look as if they’re wearing three-seater sofas on their faces, but Dorit’s lips have furnished up to a whole new level. 

Not that I watch or anything.


Harry Wales, as he now calls himself, fell off his horse while playing for the Los Padres polo team in California; Joe Biden fell off his bike while cycling in Delaware. Both events stirred up huge excitement: in Harry’s case, amongst those eager to point out that he (the royalist formerly known as Prince) is living his dream life; in Joe’s, amongst those desperate to draw attention to the possibility that the President may not have the mental or physical capacity to run again in 2024. 

For Brits looking for excitement closer to home, in the soap Coronation Street, Audrey has two falls next week, both as a result of her drinking too much. One of them involves her becoming trapped under a motorbike indoors at a barber’s shop (you have to see it, really). Makes Harry and Joe look as if they’ve merely tripped on a paving stone.


In other news….

Tucker Carlson continues to talk rubbish. And I’m still convinced he’s wearing a wig. A bad one. Or is it just a bad haircut? Still, it’s the only thing that distracts me from listening to what’s coming out of his mouth

Harry Styles is still great.

Rebel Wilson is still a lesbian.

Amber Heard keeps talking. 

Neil Patrick Harris is to play nostalgic villain The Toymaker in the Dr Who 60thanniversary special.

Paul McCartney turned 80. Wonder if when he was writing When I’m Sixty-Four, he thought that seemed really, really old. Can we expect the sequel now? When I’m Eighty-Four.