Vanderpump Tools

TOOL: Someone who lacks the capacity to realize they’re being used by someone else.

Let’s be honest. Anyone who goes on a reality TV show knows the deal. He/she knows that the exposure will boost their brand, and they’re willing to take the risk of bad exposure rather than have nothing at all.

The scandal that has hit Vanderpump Rules is hardly what Bravo supremo Andy Cohen called the thing that everyone in America is talking about (Really, Andy?), though I confess to be slightly hooked on the drama.

For those not in the know, here’s a summary: Tom Sandoval was in a relationship with Ariana Madix for 12 years. Miss Penelope lookalike Raquel Leviss (who mysteriously changed her name from Rachel before joining the show) was engaged to James Kennedy. Tom is a struggling bar owning businessman, who has to be buoyed up – not least, emotionally – by restaurant supremo Lisa Vanderpump; Ariana is smart, funny and deserving of much better than Tom or reality TV.

Raquel has never made any impact and it was clear her engagement to James was not going to last (clearly, much to the relief of her dad); James is so full of himself, he might actually self-combust.

And so, to the scandal. It transpires that Tom (not Tom Schwartz – now thankfully separated from the ghastly Katie – but the other one) has been having a clandestine affair with Raquel for months. To me, it smacks of a woman trying to make herself relevant, when her dullness put her in danger of being booted off.

Last week, they filmed the reunion show over a five hour taping that apparently saw not so much fireworks as an all-out nuclear explosion.

I was already suspicious when cheating Tom returned to the latest series with a ridiculous porn style mustache dangling on his face. They say that a man with a beard is a man with a secret, and maybe it’s true for a beard’s less hairy cousin. He’s certainly been behaving shiftily, and Bravo insist they have not re-edited the episodes in the light of the new information.

Hmmm. How does that explain the excessive coverage Raquel, who is suddenly taking center stage when, after her break-up with James, she lost the little storyline she had?

Tool doesn’t begin to cover it, Mr Sandoval. Grow a pair. And buy a razor.


So, News International and Fox News owner Rupert Murdoch is engaged – again. He’s 92, and his bride to be is 66-year-old Anne Lesley Smith.

I had difficulty enough imaging him at it with the beautiful Jerry Hall, and I really can’t look at him now without contemplating what a 92-year-old todger looks like or is even capable of doing. I dread to think what shape Harry Styles will be in at 95.


Talking of whom…The custody battle between Jason Sudeikis and Olivia Wilde (who left the family home to pursue an affair with Harry Styles) became more heated last week when her lawyers accused him of trying to litigate her into debt.

It’s hard to separate the behavior of the man from his character Ted Lasso, who is an all-round good, kind guy.

Having said that, I’ve never bought into the character. Read why on here:


Does anyone even care anymore whether Howling Harry and MeMe Meghan attend the coronation of King Charles III? If they do, maybe the service needs to add another verse to God Save the King…God Save Us from the King’s Son.