Jellyfishgate and the RHOBH

Kyle Richards said possibly the most important thing ever uttered on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills this week: you really don’t want to mess with someone from Bosnia. 

Bosnian Diana, the latest newcomer to the group, comes from a very troubled, war-torn background, and anyone from that part of the world who has seen their country ravaged develops a toughness about things that would reduce the rest of us to quivering wrecks (just look at superman Serbian tennis player Novak Djokovic).

Garcelle (who is more of a stirrer, week on week) was not buying Diana’s declaration of love for the women; Sutton showed zero interest when Diana told her about her 19-year-old brother who had been killed during the war. I’m seriously beginning to think that Sutton has empathy issues – remember her reaction after Dorit was held at gunpoint by burglars? Yeah, well, it had been a tough week for her, too (I paraphrase, but that was the gist of it and was what really shocked Kyle). And don’t get me started again on Sutton’s clothes. She said it’s better to be over-dressed than under-dressed: hmmm, turning up to dinner dressed in Miss Havisham’s wedding dress (sorry, Dolce and Gabbana) took over-dressing to a whole new level. Lucky she said she doesn’t want a boyfriend; he’d need a toolbox to get her out of her frock. 

When the feisty newcomer was stung by a jellyfish (who clearly don’t give a flying tentacle about messing with Bosnians) after jumping off the boat to go swimming, Garcelle noted that Diana would rather get stung by a jellyfish than speak with the women. Who could blame her: I’d swim the Pacific if I was threatened with being alone with them on a boat – Kyle excepted. And having suggested that Sutton could have gotten headbutted during their row, trust me: the water is the safest place for Diana – and everyone else.

Kyle was, as ever, hilarious, responding to Dorit’s ‘All I want to say’ (when she’d been banging on forever) with an uncontrollable laugh. Kyle thinks nobody is as much fun as she is. They’re not. I so want Kyle to be my best friend. 

So, after a six-year marriage, newspaper tycoon Rupert Murdoch is heading for his fourth divorce, this time from model Jerry Hall. He’s 91, she’s 65, and there’s a multi-billion-dollar fortune that includes many properties to be divvied up. I have no idea what the anatomy of a 91 year old man looks like (I drew the line at around 50) and, who knows, maybe it’s he who’s found a younger model. 

Oh, please Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck, get a room. Yes, we know you’re in love and engaged, but do you have to play tongue tennis every time there’s a convenient photographer within snapshot? All I think is when I see them is how she can bear to kiss a smoker.